Pop Quiz: Lionel Richie

Pop Quiz: Lionel Richie

Aidin Vaziri | Lionel Richie may have conquered the charts in the 1970s as the lead singer of the Commodores. He might have also started a stratospheric solo career in the 1980s, selling 18 million albums, performing at the Olympics and co-writing "We Are the World." But what we'll always remember him for is the awesome video for "Hello," in which he stalks a blind girl who makes a ceramic bust of his head. After a few years out of the spotlight raising socialite daughter Nicole Richie and becoming the biggest pop star in Iraq (seriously), Lionel returns with a new album called "Coming Home," which sees him collaborating with Jermaine Dupri, Raphael Saadiq and Dallas Austin.

Lionel Richie
Q: Good news! I just finished making my very own clay Lionel Richie head.
A: Ha, ha, ha, ha! I love it. Now that's hilarious.
Q: You've had 20 years to think about this: Why did the head come out so wrong in the video for "Hello"?
A: That's the joke. I spent the entire video walking around with the director going, "It doesn't look like me." He kept saying, "Don't worry about it, Lionel." But I kept saying, "It doesn't look like me." So finally he turned around and said, "Lionel, she's blind. It's not supposed to look exactly like you."
Q: That's a terrible excuse. It looks like a football with a mustache.
A: Yeah, I know. I kept saying, "The face is so long! Look at the mustache! And what about the hair? Come on, you've got to help me!"
Q: Maybe we could get George Lucas to go in and work some of that CGI magic.
A: If anybody can save it, he can.

Jerry Lee Lewis 'Last Man Standing'

Jerry Lee Lewis 'Last Man Standing'

Jerry Lee Lewis 'Last Man Standing': Aidin Vaziri | As if growing old didn't already present enough problems -- like hearing loss, poor eyesight and impaired driving ability -- septuagenarian musicians now have to worry about getting stuck in the studio with a bunch of strangers who smell of leather and hair gel. When arrangements were made for Jerry Lee Lewis to record a 21-track album with guests such as Mick Jagger, Bruce Springsteen, Rod Stewart, B.B. King and Eric Clapton, his natural reaction was, "I don't need all these people." Of course, he was right. What good is it going to do him to win 18 Grammys and become a billionaire at this point in his life? So Lewis uses "Last Man Standing" as an excuse to stomp all over his duet partners, much like he has done to countless pianos, bottles and wives. Neil Young gets a good whacking on "You Don't Have To," Jimmy Page stands by as Lewis turns in a version of Led Zeppelin's "Rock and Roll" that's even filthier than the original and, facing off with Little Richard on "I Saw Her Standing There," the pair manage to successfully re-create the sound of the Berlin Wall coming down. The best part is the battle-scarred old coot is still a pistol. Unlike Johnny Cash, he hasn't really had time to digest any of life's hard lessons, so there are no half-dead reflections on train rides and lost relationships. Instead, the man who once married his 13-year-old second cousin rattles off crazy one-liners and kicks his instrument for good measure while duetting with Ringo Starr on "Sweet Little 16." If only the album would have been cut in half (goodbye Kid Rock, Don Henley and Toby Keith) -- it would have been twice as good. It's simple trigonometry.

Pop Quiz: DJ Shadow

Pop Quiz: DJ Shadow

Aidin Vaziri | When we first heard "The Outsider," the first album in four years by Bay Area native Josh "DJ Shadow" Davis, we were pretty sure the record player was broken. It wasn't. It's just a bad idea to play CDs on a record player. But once we sorted all that out, we were still kind of confused. Gone is the cinematic instrumental hip-hop that made Shadow famous on 1996's masterpiece "Entroducing." In its place: a hodgepodge of musical styles with prominent guest raps from San Francisco hyphy stars like E-40 and Keak Da Sneak. We confronted Davis at his Mill Valley home about making our brain hurt. Here's what he had to say.

DJ Shadow
Q: On your new album, you do hard-core rap, psychedelic rock, spoken word, indie folk, even a few Coldplay-style, light-rock ballads. You do realize that people are going to think you have multiple personalities, right?
A: It's just that I can't do the same s -- over and over again.
Q: Let me speak on behalf of all your fans: Why not?
A: So many other people do it, trying to sound like "Entroducing." Everybody loves that s -- , but then I do it and they're like, "Oh, he's lost his touch." That's the one thing I'm putting my foot down on. You cannot tell me that other people do what I do better than I do. It ain't right.
Q: I don't think anyone could argue with that, unless they have some kind of Ph.D.
A: I realize it may come across as f -- up or bitter, but you know what? You can't cater to your fans. You have to pull them by the nose. I used to freak out about it, but now I don't care. Some people won't be able to hack it through the whole thing, and some people will.

Review: Clay Aiken 'A Thousand Different Ways'

Review: Clay Aiken 'A Thousand Different Ways'

Clay Aiken 'A Thousand Different Ways': Aidin Vaziri | There is a line to be drawn with bad pop music. If it's not at hearing high-pitched "American Idol" runner-up Clay Aiken debase and disembowel songs that didn't have that much going for them in the first place, then where? His debut album, 2003's "Measure of a Man," mainlined lite-rock cliches. Here, Aiken and his new hairdo simply set the controls for sappy and come up with their personal "Now That's What I Call the Worst Music Ever 14," with covers of Richard Marx's "Right Here Waiting," Foreigner's "I Want to Know What Love Is," Mr. Mister's "Broken Wings," Bryan Adams' "Everything I Do (I Do It for You)" and Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me." It's going to take years of therapy and 500 consecutive hours of Dinosaur Jr. to get over this one.

Pop Quiz: Matisyahu

Pop Quiz: Matisyahu

Aidin Vaziri | He went from wearing dreadlocks and following Phish around the country to embracing a life of hard-core religion. Now Matisyahu is the most popular Hasidic reggae star in the entire solar system. Born Matthew Miller, the 27-year-old New York native raps, beatboxes and tips his big hat to Bob Marley on "Youth," his breakthrough album. The disc premiered at No. 2 on the Billboard charts and spawned the hit "King Without a Crown."

Matisyahu
Q: When you were into Phish did you have dreadlocks and wear the same shirt every day for three years?
A: Yeah, I was into the whole culture, I guess.
Q: You also used to wear turbans, drink mushroom tea and play the bongos. Do you ever miss that?
A: Yeah, for sure. I miss it definitely. There are lots of things I miss but, you know, you've got to grow up at some point. Those experiences I had on mushroom tea weren't always the most enjoyable experiences. Some of them were definitely life shattering, but some of them were nightmares.
Q: You want more, don't you?
A: The way I see life, nothing is written in stone. You go through life and you make your decisions constantly. Things change. I mean, I definitely miss certain things, but I have other things in place of it, as well: a family, child, career.
Q: Fair enough, but you're only 27. There could be more mushroom tea and bongos in your future.
A: You never know.

Review: Justin Timberlake 'FutureSex/LoveSounds'

Review: Justin Timberlake 'FutureSex/LoveSounds'

Justin Timberlake 'FutureSex/LoveSounds': Aidin Vaziri | It's hard to tell which former teen band member is taking the biggest sophomore solo flop this month: Beyoncé or Justin Timberlake. Yes, the former Destiny's Child singer's "B'day" offers little cause for celebration, but it's just dull, not totally tragic. Timberlake, on the other hand, has the unenviable task of topping 2002's "Justified," a svelte left-field pop classic that not even an inane McDonald's jingle could ruin. But "FutureSex/LoveSounds" is nearly as big a mess as its hard-to-swallow title. Without the delicate production of the Neptunes, whose compositions dominated the previous album, Timberlake's paper-thin voice gets lost in the mechanical beats ("Sexyback"), swirling strings ("Until the End of Time") and influx of rappers ("Chop Me Up"). The album has a bigger problem to contend with anyway: The songs flat-out suck. A four-year wait for this?

Franti Goes To Baghdad

Franti Goes To Baghdad

Michael Franti got his guitar, then headed to Iraq. Any requests for anti-war music?: Aidin Vaziri | No one can accuse Michael Franti of armchair activism. When U.S. and British troops invaded Iraq three years ago, lots of musicians spoke out with songs, letters and freshly peeled bumper stickers. But the lead singer of the Bay Area soul-funk group Spearhead handled the situation in his own typical way. He turned off CNN, grabbed a guitar and started pricing tickets to Baghdad. "I knew I wasn't getting the whole truth on TV," he says. "I wanted to see with my own eyes what was going on there." Although the members of his own band didn't expect anything less, they were too afraid to join him on the trip. Other musicians he called not only turned him down but tried to talk him out of going as well. It didn't work. In May 2004, Franti rounded up three video cameras and a ragtag eight-person crew, and made the journey to Iraq via Jordan. After some mild confusion at the customs desk, he was welcomed into the country as a tourist. "I didn't feel like a tourist at all," laughs Franti, 39, who spent most of his time in Baghdad busking in the streets and chatting with locals.

Review: Paris Hilton 'Paris'

Review: Paris Hilton 'Paris'

Paris Hilton 'Paris': Aidin Vaziri | The donkey not only has longer ears than the horse but also typically eats much less. Also, its fur is not waterproof. The domesticated animal, Equus asinus, can defend itself with a powerful kick from its hind legs. While present in early American society, the donkey's popularity was not widespread until the Gold Rush, thanks to its social disposition and ability to carry tools. Many people consider the donkey a cute and comical animal, but it has a reputation for being stubborn. A popular German proverb contends that a donkey can dress up in a lion suit, but its ears will always stick out and reveal its true identity. The donkey is helpful in herding sheep, cattle or goats. The animal is also commonly known as a jackass, burro, jennet, hinny and ass. It has a loud, brassy voice that goes, "Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!"

Pop Quiz: Massive Attack

Pop Quiz: Massive Attack

Aidin Vaziri | Even though Massive Attack has managed to put out only a handful of albums since making its stellar debut in 1991 with the classic "Blue Lines," each one has blown all other pop music to pieces. The British trio not only invented trip-hop but it also introduced the world to Tricky and gave new life to forgotten singers such as Horace Andy and Elizabeth Fraser of the Cocteau Twins. For those who missed out, the group has just released a best-of set called "Collected" and is returning to the United States for the first time in eight years for a personal refresher course. We spoke with the group's brainchild, Robert "3D" del Naja.

Robert '3D' Del Naja of Massive Attack
Q: How many babies do you think were born as a direct result of your work?
A: People tell me that happens, that either they fall in love, conceive or have a mad, wonderful night with a complete stranger with our music. That's a recurring theme.
Q: How many terrible Massive Attack rip-off bands have you heard?
A: Oh, man. It's hard. At one point, every A&R man in the country came to Bristol. There were a lot of local bands and a few national bands and international bands. Some things were complimentary and flattering. I suppose a lot of bands have that problem. Trying to get a sound that is identifiably yours and keep it for 15 years is an achievement, I guess. The flattery has been welcome. The thing that pissed us off most is watching movies and television where people have ripped things off blatantly. You lash yourself, thinking, "Man, someone got paid."
Q: How many drugs went into the making of "Collected"?
A: To be honest, most of the psychedelic input was directed at the sleeve and putting the second disc together. In terms of the history of all the records, I wouldn't like to think. It's a terrifying thought, what I could have done with

Live Blogging: The MTV Video Music Awards 2006

Live Blogging: The MTV Video Music Awards 2006

Aidin Vaziri offers live commentary tonight (well, it was actually last night on SFGate.com) on MTV's 2006 VMAs, airing via tape delay from New York City's Radio City Music Hall.

Before we dig into the official awards broadcast, a few highlights from the red carpet...

Um, well, actually, er, there weren't any real "highlights." Does watching the "Jackass" guys throw microphones at each other's genitals count? No? How about J. Lo wearing a head wrap that made her look like The Mummy? Not so much?

Oh, here's one! Fergie, who arrived at Radio City Music Hall in a horse-drawn carriage and promptly stripped off most of her clothing before singing her solo hit "London Bridge," was able to successfully control her bladder.

It's on! Justin Timberlake might have perfected Michael Jackson's 1983 dance moves but, performing the No. 1 song in the country, "SexyBack," live to kick off the show, he revealed he hasn't quite yet learned how to sing - or dress. Is there really any excuse for wearing geriatric white sneakers with a gray silk suit?

"The show has been laying farts for the past 20 years and I'm going to light the match," host Jack Black promises, wearing a moonman costume. He then immediately breaks his promise by starting the show with a song and a mess of an intro that somehow incorporates talk show host Montell Williams and Lou Reed sitting in with the Raconteurs for a slash-and-burn version of the Velvet Underground's "White Light/White Heat."

Couldn't they have just gotten Madonna to make out with Hilary Duff or something?

Lil' Kim walks out on stage to present the award in an orange prison jumpsuit -because she was actually in prison! See what they did there?

By the way, did Black accidentally read her first few lines off the teleprompter or was that supposed to happen? Either way, it sucked.

Ciara and OutKast's Andre 3000 come out to present the moonman for Best Hip-Hop video. Andre appears to be wearing galoshes. Are they expecting a thunderstorm in New York?

A few more questions, while we're at it:

Are the Black-Eyed Peas really a hip-hop band? If you had Paris Hilton's money, wouldn't you dress a little better? The Rock is still around? And making movies? Finally, did anyone really think Black could ever do anything less funny than "Nacho Libre"?

While you think about all that, let's take a minute to honor a barefoot, belly-dancing Shakira for re-imagining "Hips Don't Lie," her hit with Wyclef Jean, inside a Bollywood movie.

This thing has so much dead air it's almost like watching college radio.

Anyway, between 50 Cent, LL Cool J, Lil' Jon, Pharrell and Ludacris, there's more diamond and gold on stage than in the latest Tiffany catalog.

Oh, sorry, got bored and started flipping channels. Has anyone else ever seen that episode of "CHiPs" where there's a gang that trains monkeys and dogs to rob banks? And Ponch has a twin brother? In the very same epidose. I swear.

Jessica Simpson, on hand to present the Best Dance Video to the Pussycat Dolls, looks like an exceptionally slutty soccer mom. What was Nick Lachey thinking?

Oh yeah, she's as dumb as a pile of bricks.

Power-pop quartet OK Go recreates the one-take treadmill choreography of its wildly popular YouTube video for the single "Here It Goes Again" live - well, minus the lip-synching. It's actually kind of awesome.

Here's the beauty of living on the West Coast. All you have to do is check Google and come up with a list of winners.

It's almost like having ESP!

Video of the year
Panic! At the Disco, "I Write Sins not Tragedies"

Viewers' choice
Fallout Boy, "Dance, Dance"

Best male video
James Blunt, "You're Beautiful"

Best female video
Kelly Clarkson, "Because of You"

Best group video
All American Rejects, "Move Along"

Best rap video
Chamillionaire featuring Krayzie Bone, "Ridin"

Best R&B video
Beyonce featuring Slim Thug and Bun B, "Check on It (Pink Panther)"

Best hip-hop video
The Black Eyed Peas, "My Humps"

Best dance video
Pussycat Dolls featuring Snoop Dog, "Buttons"

Best rock video
A.F.I., "Miss Murder"

Best pop video
Pink, "Stupid Girls"

Best new artist
Avenged Sevenfold, "Bat Country"

Ringtone of the year
Fort Minor, "Where'd You Go"

Video vanguard
Hype Williams

Oh, should I have mentioned: SPOILER ALERT?

Do I still have to watch the rest of this thing?

...

Don't worry, I'm still watching. Nothing is happening.

I take that back. Beyonce is wearing a trenchcoat and singing her awful new single, "Ring The Alarm." Also, a belated word on Lachey's wardrobe: "Look who they've got their Hanes on now"?

Anytime Diddy comes on TV is a good time to check in on the latest plot twist on that epsiode of "CHiPs."

Jared Leto and the singer of Evanescense look like they just got back from a Siouxsie & the Banshees concert, circa 1985. They present the Best Group Video award to the All-American Rejects, whose skinny singer delivers the best acceptance speech evert: "We just won a moonman! I am getting so trashed tonight."

The Raconteurs begin to play their hit single, "Steady As She Goes," and promptly get cut off for a commercial break. Too musical for you, MTV?

So many questions...

There's an award for Ringtone of the Year? Seriously? For some reason, I thought that thie VMAs were the VIDEO Music Awards.

The prize goes to Fort Minor, a Linkin Park side project. The guy accepting the award thanks so many business associates you almost expect to see crap dripping off his nose by the time he's done talking. How many people does it take to make a stupid ringtone anyway?

Fall Out Boy, bringing back the cape to rock 'n' roll. Panic! At The Disco, bringing back the top hat?

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline appear via satellite, making fun of their lousy parenting skills. It's funny because it's true. Except it's not really funny.

Kanye West steps out to present the Video Vanguard Award to director Hype Williams. Actually, according to West, he is one of the greatest filmmakers of our time.

Williams, it turns out, is man who is quite fond of explosions, fisheye lenses, big yachts and half-naked girls jiggling their asses by a huge pool. It's a miracle he never shot a video for Motley Crue.

For some reason, this means we get live performances by really old songs by Busta Rhymes and Missy Elliott (in her old fat suit, natch).

Sarah Silverman bombs with her Paris Hilton heart-to-heart. Not sure if it was when she said, a) "You seriously need to lose weight," or b) "You're supposed to be Paris Hilton, not Paris, France."

I can't believe I totally missed the Christina Aguilera performance. I would like to thank God, my mom, managers...

Lou Reed joins Pink to present Best Rock Video. He's still a giant crab: "I love if MTV will play more rock 'n' roll."

Bay Area punks A.F.I. win but the category, which could have easily also been for Most Geometric Haircuts or Most Eye Makeup.

The Raconteurs are now joined by Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top for a run through "Cheap Sunglasses." 98 percent of the home audience is confused.

We get a peek at Al Gore hanging out backstage with Pink and "Jackass" masochist Steve O.

Someone should really tell Jack Black, stop singing. Please. It's not funny. It hurts.

The cast of "Jackass" is on hand to present the Viewer's Choice Award. Unfortunately, most of them have forgotten their shirts and still think it's hilarious to punch each other in the nuts. On the upside, they make Fall Out Boy suffer for their victory.

Uh, oh. Al Gore is giving a slide show about global warming. On MTV. What a loser.

The Raconteurs with Jim Jarmusch, singing "Internet Killed The Video Star"? Okaaay...

By wrapping her head so tightly, J. Lo has lost the ability to speak, except when it comes to slipping into a phony Latin accent.

As she presents the Video of the Year Award to Panic! At The Disco, there is a stage invader. He breaks the first rule of stage invasion by being totally boring.

Finally, Axl Rose - fresh from getting clocked by Tommy Hilfiger - shows up to introduce the Killers. It's like a has-been passing of the torch.

And it's over! Hooray!

Just for the record, all the big nominees - Red Hot Chili Peppers, Shakira, Christina Aguilera, Nelly Furtado, even Madonna - got pretty much shut out. Rock dominated over pop. Timbaland mysteriously appears on everyone's records. Make of it what you will, I'm going to bed.

But first, does anyone have a machine that can get me back the last four hours of my life?

Review: 'American Idols Live!' in San Jose

Review: 'American Idols Live!' in San Jose

It's safe to go out of doors now -- the Idols have left: The favorite fallen Idols appeared more or less in the order they were given the boot from the ratings-shattering television show, which meant the first hour of the concert was wasted on over-styled kids whose futures almost certainly lie in performing at strip-mall openings with William Hung and holding up liquor stores. For all their plastic enthusiasm and canned thank-yous, even Simon Cowell would concede that Ace Young, Mandisa, Lisa Tucker, Paris Bennett (who didn't even bother to sing the chorus on her karaoke version of "Crazy in Love") and Bucky Covington will never play on a stage this big again, if any. Former roller-skating waitress Kellie Pickler might, but judging by the little red bustier she wore while singing Bonnie Raitt's "Something to Talk About," it would have to involve some kind of pole. Headliner and competition winner Taylor Hicks, meanwhile, looked like one of the California Raisins without a costume. He sweated and groaned and did his ridiculous drunk accountant calisthenics to songs that no one with their mental facilities in working order would actually like. Frankly, it would have been more fun to watch Paula Abdul perform three hours of armpit farts.