Free Lubricant , Money, Insults: Lapping Up Showgirls

Free Lubricant , Money, Insults: Lapping Up Showgirls

Lapping Up 'Showgirls': Aidin Vaziri | If the makers of "Catwoman" really wanted the movie to be a hit, they should have handed out free samples of personal lubricant to everyone who walked through the door. That's what the people behind the special-edition DVD release of "Showgirls" did at the one-night-only screening of the camp classic at Metreon on Tuesday. They also handed out goodie bags stuffed with kazoos, clickers, wads of fake money and gold lamé scarves with a sheet of paper that included instructions like: "Use your noisemaker every time Nomi hits, kicks or maims someone." They could have shown a revival of "Apocalypse Now" and people still would have walked away laughing.

The Geezers of Ozzfest

The Geezers of Ozzfest

The Geezers of Ozzfest: Aidin Vaziri | When we tried to add up the combined ages of all the grizzly heavy- metal dudes playing Ozzfest this year, smoke started shooting out the back of the calculator. With most of the young, MTV-endorsed nu-metal acts disappearing from the lineup, the ninth anniversary of the roving hard-rock festival leans more than ever on battle-scarred vintage acts like Black Sabbath, Judas Priest and Slayer. At least fans know what they're getting: monster riffs, lots of songs about the devil and no less than one gay man in bondage trousers (welcome back, Rob Halford!). But how to sort out the rest? How to tell the difference between second-stage bands with gruesome names like Bleeding Through and Every Time I Die? How to figure out whether to eat corn dogs or falafels? That's easy. Let us do it for you.

Pop Quiz: Al Green

Pop Quiz: Al Green

Aidin Vaziri | In 1976, when Al Green became a fully ordained minister of the Full Tabernacle Church in Memphis (where he still preaches weekly to his congregation), the loss to the R&B world was devastating. But not nearly as devastating as the loss to the people who came to depend on his string of sensual hits like "Let's Stay Together" and "I'm Still in Love With You" for the purposes of getting it on. Fortunately, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee returns to his secular roots on his most recent release, last year's "I Can't Stop."



Al Green
Q: What's the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
A: First of all, I look around and be thankful that I woke up.
Q: That seems like a good place to start.
A: That's No. 1. After that, I go, "All right, what do you have for me today?" Now, I'm talking to myself it seems like, but I'm not alone.
Q: Is it a ghost?
A: No -- the power that be. He says, "Look, I've given you a beautiful sunshine day, Al Green. It's up to you what you want to make of it." So I just get out here and start doing stuff, man.
Q: That's it?

Jessica Simpson and her 160+ IQ

Jessica Simpson and her 160+ IQ

Jessica Simpson and her 160+ IQ: Aidin Vaziri | I ask her about the last book she read now that she's really smart. A question that makes her gasp, "The last book I read? Now that I'm really smart?" Yes. Kafka? Tolstoy? Sedaris? She thinks about it forever. "Um, wow, I haven't read a book in a little while," Simpson finally decides. "Well, I just went and saw 'The Notebook,' so I read that book again." She says the only pieces of literature that keep her interest are romantic novels. "Everything else is boring," she declares. However, an exception was made for Bill Clinton's hefty autobiography, "My Life." Although, Simpson says, she didn't exactly make it through the whole thing. "Just the parts that Nick highlighted," she laughs. "You probably know which parts."

Scissor Sisters: A Cut Above

Scissor Sisters: A Cut Above

Scissor Sisters; Aidin Vaziri | Babydaddy and Jake Shears used to be fixtures on New York's self- consciously arty electroclash scene, which also birthed Fischerspooner, before they started Scissor Sisters. Playing cabaret nights in the East Village, Shears would go by the name Jason the Amazing Back-Alley Late Term Abortion, getting yanked out onstage in a black garbage bag by a drag queen named Mangela Lansbury before ripping through the bag covered in stage blood and puking mouthwash. But the band members now insist that was just a phase. They want Scissor Sisters to be as inclusive as possible. "There are the Marilyn Mansons of the world and people who live for shock value," Babydaddy says. "We prefer to go the opposite route and casually slide it in with pop hooks and tunes. We're allowing people to invite us into their houses, and then we'll break the news that we're freaks later."

Pop Quiz: Maroon 5

Pop Quiz: Maroon 5

Aidin Vaziri | So what if it took two years for people to start paying attention to Maroon 5's 2002 debut, "Songs About Jane"? Now that the Los Angeles band has found itself a nice beanbag to plop down on at MTV and on pop radio with aerobic hit singles like "This Love" and "Harder to Breathe," it's not going anywhere. Maroon 5, once known as Kara's Flowers, capitalizes on its continuing success with a new EP, "1.22.03.Acoustic," a song on the "Spider- Man 2" soundtrack, plus a national tour with John Mayer. And if that doesn't work out, singer Adam Levine still has a bright future as a political consultant.



Adam Levine of Maroon 5
Q: Do you know John Mayer?
A: Yes, I do.
Q: You're touring with him now. Do you look forward to blowing him off the stage every night?
A: Oh, come on now.
Q: I think that's a compliment.
A: Well, thank you. But, no, John can hold his own. He's an amazing musician. I think it's a nice symbiotic relationship.
Q: I don't know what symbiotic means, but I'm going to assume it means John Mayer should take Viagra.

Ice Cream Diplomacy, Hilton Encounters, Scarce Deli Meat and Other Road Hazards

Ice Cream Diplomacy, Hilton Encounters, Scarce Deli Meat and Other Road Hazards

It's E! Online's Summer Heatwave 2004 - Five For The Road: Aidin Vaziri | The last time brainy alt-rocking sexpot Liz Phair hit the highway on tour, the single mom got stuck on the bus from hell and found her way into the clutches of Paris Hilton. Will things improve when she leads a group of gals--the Cardigans, Katy Rose and Charlotte Martin--on the Chicks with Attitude Tour, starting this August? We squeeze Phair for the answer, then grill D12's Bizarre and three more warriors (including Polyphonic Spree and the Corrs) from the summer's hottest tours about the reality of the road. Heck, if things go right, maybe there'll be bedtime stories for everyone after the show.

Rush: The Band That Refused To Die

Rush: The Band That Refused To Die

Rush: Aidin Vaziri | It is not by any means clear how Rush has lasted this long. The Canadian prog-rock trio, which celebrates the 30th anniversary of its first release with a pair of Bay Area shows this week, has done just about everything wrong. Its early album covers were impaired with paintings of mutant owls and Salvador Dali knockoffs. Bassist and vocalist Geddy Lee sang in a high register that suggested that he had a badger attached to his testicles. And then there were the songs -- horrendous little things like "By-Tor and the Snow Dog" and the six-part, 20-minute "The Fountain of Lamneth" -- sci-fi epics so far out even Pink Floyd would have found them too preposterous. If nothing else, wasn't the mere fact that they were a Canadian prog-rock trio enough? That should have put the brakes on their career within the first three minutes.

Coming Soon: Sexy Woman

Coming Soon: Sexy Woman

Aidin Vaziri | The July 21 Chronicle will feature an interview with one of the pop stars that made the upper reaches of FHM's 100 Sexiest Women of the World 2004. She might even be in the Top Ten. Watch this space. (Yes, this is a cheap way to get more traffic. No, it's not Britney).



FHM's 100 Sexiest Women of the World 2004

1. Britney Spears
2. Angelina Jolie
3. Halle Berry
4. Jennifer Garner
5. Alyssa Milano
6. Jennifer Love Hewitt
7. Jennifer Lopez
8. Charlize Theron
9. Pamela Anderson
10. Jessica Simpson
11. Brooke Burke
12. Beyonce Knowles
13. Jessica Alba
14. Anna Kournikova
15. Carmen Electra
16. Faith Hill
17. Salma Hayek
18. Jenny McCarthy
19. Janet Jackson
20. Catherine Bell
21. Shania Twain
22. Eliza Dushku
23. Kristin Kreuk
24. Christina Aguilera
25. Katie Holmes
26. Gwen Stefani
27. Heidi Klum
28. Ashley Judd
29. Cameron Diaz
30. Jennifer Aniston
31. Jenna Jameson
32. Ashanti
33. Ali Landry
34. Sarah Michelle Gellar
35. Denise Richards
36. Lucy Liu
37. Shakira
38. Paris Hilton
39. Kristanna Loken
40. Kelly Ripa
41. Elizabeth Hurley
42. Nikki Cox
43. Jessica Biel
44. Catherine Zeta-Jones
45. Pink
46. Mariah Carey
47. Neve Campbell
48. Nicole Kidman
49. Jaime Pressly
50. Natalie Portman
51. Monica Bellucci
52. Tara Reid
53. Jamie-Lynn DiScala
54. Keira Knightley
55. Heather Graham
56. Liv Tyler
57. Amy Smart
58. Sofia Vergara
59. Tiffani Thiessen
60. Mischa Barton
61. Maria Menounos
62. Mandy Moore
63. Elisha Cuthbert
64. Christina Ricci
65. Charisma Carpenter
66. Rebecca Romijn-Stamos
67. Leeann Tweeden
68. Jennifer Connelly
69. Reese Witherspoon
70. Jolene Blalock
71. Kate Bosworth
72. Kate Hudson
73. Vida Guerra
74. Kaley Cuoco
75. Alyson Hannigan
76. Lisa Guerrero
77. Heather Mitts
78. Courtney Cox Arquette
79. Penelope Cruz
80. Eva Mendes
81. Uma Thurman
82. Jamie Sale
83. Beth Ostrosky
84. Gretchen Bleiler
85. Rachel Leigh Cook
86. Demi Moore
87. Jillian Barberie
88. Tyra Banks
89. Naomi Watts
90. Tara Dakides
91. Gisele Bundchen
92. Rachael Ray
93. Selma Blair
94. Molly Sims
95. Adriana Lima
96. Jeri Ryan
97. Roselyn Sanchez
98. Brande Roderick
99. Mayra Veronica
100. Willa Ford

Pop Quiz: The Corrs

Pop Quiz: The Corrs

Aidin Vaziri | Bono loves the Corrs. "I think of them as like the Carpenters dressed by Gianni Versace," he said in a recent interview. And for once, he's not just talking out of his blowhole. With the looks of Victoria's Secret models and the talent of an entire troupe of Riverdancers, Caroline, Sharon and Andrea Corr could be the three most famous sisters in the world. The Irish quartet -- which also includes older brother Jim -- has sold 40 million albums and topped the charts in 18 countries. Its fourth and latest CD, "Borrowed Heaven," even features a song co-written by -- Bono. How long before America is completely on its knees at the mercy of this group? We spoke to 31-year-old Caroline, who is pregnant.



The Corrs
Q: What are some baby names you're considering?
A: We haven't thought about anything because I haven't found out what we're having yet.
Q: What about Apple? I think Apple Corr makes much more sense than Apple Paltrow-Martin.
A: Oh, no! Apple Corr? That's a very funny name.

Juliette Lewis & The Licks

Juliette Lewis & The Licks

Juliette Lewis & The Licks: Aidin Vaziri | The Juliette & the Licks live show is an appropriately physical experience. It starts with Lewis coming out on stage, shouting something completely indecipherable and then launching into this weird sort-of-robot- like dance. Slowly, she becomes more animated as the music -- part Billy Idol, part Pat Benatar -- gets louder. She does Special Olympics-caliber gymnastics, declares herself crazy and eventually drops the names of all the movies she's appeared in. She is still taking on small roles, most recently in things like "Starsky & Hutch" and "Cold Creek Manor," but at the moment the only thing Lewis wants to think about is her music -- even if the rock careers of fellow actors like Keanu Reeves and Gina Gershon look like big flashing yellow lights that shriek, DO NOT ENTER! "This is what I'm absolutely hungry for right now and I want to see it through," she says. "I've worked my ass off to make this happen for the past year. I'm all about using your limitations to work for you."