Review: 'American Idols Live!' in San Jose

Review: 'American Idols Live!' in San Jose

It's safe to go out of doors now -- the Idols have left: The favorite fallen Idols appeared more or less in the order they were given the boot from the ratings-shattering television show, which meant the first hour of the concert was wasted on over-styled kids whose futures almost certainly lie in performing at strip-mall openings with William Hung and holding up liquor stores. For all their plastic enthusiasm and canned thank-yous, even Simon Cowell would concede that Ace Young, Mandisa, Lisa Tucker, Paris Bennett (who didn't even bother to sing the chorus on her karaoke version of "Crazy in Love") and Bucky Covington will never play on a stage this big again, if any. Former roller-skating waitress Kellie Pickler might, but judging by the little red bustier she wore while singing Bonnie Raitt's "Something to Talk About," it would have to involve some kind of pole. Headliner and competition winner Taylor Hicks, meanwhile, looked like one of the California Raisins without a costume. He sweated and groaned and did his ridiculous drunk accountant calisthenics to songs that no one with their mental facilities in working order would actually like. Frankly, it would have been more fun to watch Paula Abdul perform three hours of armpit farts.