The Geezers of Ozzfest

The Geezers of Ozzfest

The Geezers of Ozzfest: Aidin Vaziri | When we tried to add up the combined ages of all the grizzly heavy- metal dudes playing Ozzfest this year, smoke started shooting out the back of the calculator. With most of the young, MTV-endorsed nu-metal acts disappearing from the lineup, the ninth anniversary of the roving hard-rock festival leans more than ever on battle-scarred vintage acts like Black Sabbath, Judas Priest and Slayer. At least fans know what they're getting: monster riffs, lots of songs about the devil and no less than one gay man in bondage trousers (welcome back, Rob Halford!). But how to sort out the rest? How to tell the difference between second-stage bands with gruesome names like Bleeding Through and Every Time I Die? How to figure out whether to eat corn dogs or falafels? That's easy. Let us do it for you.